Sunday, March 27, 2011

Justice League of America #0 (September, 2006)



Yesterday: Finally read JLofA #0 a few years late. About as bad as I heard. I'm currently reading "Slaughterhouse 5." Its story is told in similar fashion, but all the "future events," as well as a sort of literary retroactive continuity involving alien abduction, are really just the manifestations of the lead character's senility. At least I believe so. I have about another quarter of the book to go, just as there are seven more issues of JLofA before I know exactly how lousy Meltzer's run will be. Then there's the Turner cover, which looks like he's trying to do Alex Ross, but instead of live models he employed Kenner action figures. I'm so glad I didn't pay for this.

Today. Boy, do I hate when the role of Superman and Batman are played up as founders in the JLofA. They were part-timers whose editors were unwilling to allow use regularly in case it diluted the brand. Worse, everyone's into these secret cabals within super-hero circles these days. Beyond sounding like something off "Prison Planet," it's just so very Legion of Super-Heroes. Also, Wonder Woman was never one of the World's Finest. Her original comics were produced by what amounted to a separate company/studio, like the now decased DC/Wildstorm relationship. I know she's part of the "trinity" of DC greats, but does that mean we have to whitewash her history as a red-headed stepchild who wasn't even wholly DC's until recent years (see also: Alex Ross' Captain Marvel pimpage?)

Yesterday: Just finished "Identity Crisis." This Meltzer guy is pretty good with the monologues and heart-string pulling, but this is all really just bad fan fiction. He shouldn't be allowed to play around in-continuity. God, the only thing worse than reading more scripts like this is if Michael Turner's rubber people continue to grace Meltzer's covers.

Yesterday: Why would white jumpsuit Wonder Woman be on the satellite? Didn't they make a huge deal about her having to go through all those trials to rejoin the League after being one of, if not the, first members to bail on team? Plus, she stayed away again for most of the 80's and much of the 90's. If Meltzer can hold Martian Manhunter's 70's absence against him, why not Diana's? Even when she was on the team back then, she was a royal pain, not little miss team spirit.

Tomorrow: Who is responsible for the concept of vague allusions to potential futures? That guy needs to be thrown a beating. Also, Eddie Berganza, for allowing Meltzer to ramble on, and to allude to "future" stories some other writer will have to half-heartedly bring to some sort of fruition. Kind of like Phil Hester's servitude to J. Michael Straczynski's abortive plans.

Yesterday: "Detroit? Whose idea was that?" Batman continued to fume and predict doom for the League. Wonder Woman called him on his lack of actual intervention.

Tomorrow: At least we know Superman and Wonder Woman hopefully never marry. This is why God said brothers and sisters are not allowed to date, either.

Yesterday: One punch? Yeah, let's boil five years of great stories down to one punch. Also, let's not explain how Wonder Woman "joined" Justice League Europe for exactly one issue, quitting without notice.

Yesterday: Howard Porter is the worst Wonder Woman artist ever. I like his JLA, despite the flaws, but Diana if consistently fugly under his pen. Make it stop! Is the "zero" issue a dated notion or a value judgment?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wonder Woman in Sensation Comics #1 (January, 1942)



Like the crash of thunder from the sky comes Wonder Woman, to save the world from the hatreds of men in a man-made world! ...Who is Wonder Woman? Why does she fight for America? To find the answer, let us go back... to that mysterious Amazon isle called Paradise Island!

Having won the right to return the yet unconscious and bedridden Captain Trevor back to his home country to complete his mission, the Amazon maiden named Diana flew across the ocean in her silent transparent plane. Trevor briefly stirred, and saw Diana as a beautiful angel smiling at him. Diana was already smitten, and the compliment was well received. Landing in Washington D.C., Diana hid her transparent plane in a barn, then swiftly carried Steve Trevor on foot to Walter Reed Hospital. Diana informed the staff the the Captain was with Army Intelligence, then fled the scene.

"Now what do I do with my time? Hm-m! Mother told me so much about styles of American women that I'm dying to see them!" Diana began window shopping, but was called a "brazen thing" and a "hussy" with "no clothes on" by a pair of old maids. A male onlooker chided, "Ha! Sour grapes sister, dont you wish you looked like that!" He wasn't the only man taking in the view, as Diana attracted a lot of attention from both genders.

Suddenly, screams and gunshots filled the air as robbers raced from a hold-up. Diana leapt across a street to stand between the bandits and their car. When the hoods began firing on her, the Amazon deflected all their shots with her swift bracelets. "It's fun to be playing 'Bullets and Bracelets' again!" Diana continued the games, playing "catch." Diana's hand clamped around the wrist of a burly thug like a steel vice, disarming him before flinging him at his partners like a sack of potatoes. The police arrived, and although Diana didn't quite know what a "hold-up" was, her foot on the mound of thieves suggested she was aware her right had made might. The coppers had questions, but "Some other time, when I'm on the 'Quiz Kids' program!" Clearly, the Amazons were not so isolated that they couldn't be taught sarcasm through the Magic Sphere.

An opportunist chased Diana down in his car as she again raced from the scene. 35-- 60-- even 80 miles per hour wasn't enough to quite keep up, but Diana was finally convinced to stop by a shouted business proposition. "My name is Al Kale! I book acts for theaters! Now I don't know what your racket is and I don't care. All I know is that those speedy legs of yours, or that 'bullet' trick could net a fortune!" Diana realized that she would need money, and she still had "to kill time till Steve recovers," so she agreed with a handshake.

"Bullets and Bracelets" was a hit with audiences, selling out the Bijou Theatre. The entertainment press dubbed "Wonder Woman" a smash, at least according to the "Daily Blade*." Kale wanted to carry on, but once the papers reported that Captain Trevor had finally recovered from his "brain concussion," Diana lost interest. Unable to hold her without a contract, Kale tried to steal all the show's earnings for himself. Diana caught on quick, jumping from a fifth story window to catch and hold Kale's car by the bumper. Wonder Woman left Kale dangling from a telephone pole while she reclaimed her share of the loot.



The next day, Diana found a nurse crying on the steps outside the hospital. "...Today my fiance just got a job in South America, but he can't send for me because his salary is too small." Diana was sympathetic, but couldn't help but notice how much she resembled the nurse with her glasses off. Diana offered to buy the nurse's credentials and identity in exchange for money enough to start her new life in South America. That way, both could stay with the men they loved, and "No harm done, for I'm a trained nurse, too..." In an amazing coincidence, the nurse was named Diana Prince, "and you'd better remember that last name-- because it'll be yours from now on."

Steve was still calling out for his "beautiful angel" in his sleep as the disguised Diana tended to him. Steve liked Nurse Prince well enough, but he had things to do, and snuck out of the hospital. The doctor blamed the nurse for allowing Trevor to escape, as "over-exertion" might kill the captain.

Nurse Diana Prince managed to deduce Trevor's whereabouts from a newspaper article about a threat to bomb Camp Merrick with a new poison gas, and uncovered her transparent plane. "Inside the barn, the girl transforms herself from drab Diana Prince to the exciting Amazon maiden... WONDER WOMAN!" It felt "grand" to be herself again.

Captain Trevor reported to his commanding officer, and patrols were set up to look out for the bomber, but Steve knew that wouldn't be enough. Captain Trevor took to the air, and was confronted by a flying fort his plane's guns couldn't even dent. Trevor's only recourse was to crash his plane into the bomber, which did the trick, but his ripped parachute seemed likely to spell his end. However, Wonder Woman was also on the scene, and setting her "robot control pilot," managed to catch Trevor in midair while dangling from a ladder. Steve was pleased to be reacquainted with his beautiful angel, or as Diana put it, "A guardian angel is more like it!"

An enemy pilot parachuted to safety, but caught the Amazon's eye, so Diana had Steve fly her toward the foe. The pilot tried firing on her, but bracelets and a sock to the jaw settled any argument. The pilot was fatally wounded during the crash, but declared more bombers would succeed where he failed. Trevor expected as much, having once found the enemy's secret base, which had been moved during his convalescence. "Good thing I anticipated this and had mother look up this secret base in the Magic Sphere before I left Paradise Island!"



The pair landed at a secret island base, then ambushed a guard patrol. Wonder Woman then burst through a wooden door, and tossed about half of it at the first soldier to get in her way. Steve passed Diana a gas mask, then fired on a canister of poison. The enemy was dying in numbers, but their leader tried to take the heroes with them to the great beyond through an explosion. Wonder Woman easily got clear, but Steve was buried under debris, and had to be saved yet again. "Are you hurt, Steve? Why didn't you jump like I did?"
"Jump like you? What am I-- a kangaroo?"

Trevor's leg was broken, so back to the hospital he went. Both the doctor and the general congratulated Trevor's magnificent work, but he insisted a beautiful angel was responsible... "Wonder Woman!" Nurse Prince questioned Steve about his "delirious" talk, but Trevor was adamant in his admiration for Wonder Woman. Prince tried to point out that Trevor was in her care now, but Steve let her down semi-gently, as no regular woman could hold a candle to this new flame. "So I'm my own rival, eh? That's funny... if mother could only see me now... as a very feminine woman... a nurse, no less, in a world full of men, and in love too- with myself for a rival!"








And so ends the
first full episode of
Wonder Woman
Alias
Diana Prince,
Army Nurse!

Follow her exciting adventures as she bests the world's most villainous men at their own game every month in
SENSATION COMICS


My best guess at the local paper's name was the "Daily Blade," but the calligraphy on the second word was pretty rough, so I'm open to other interpretations. Might as well have been the Daily Bugle, because I found it amazing how this spectacular tale seemed more like Spider-Man origin that how most people recall Wonder Woman's. I loved revisiting this story, because it really puts the lie to the "naive" take on the character. Diana is an educated woman who drops pop culture references and recognizes the need for scratch on her mission to Man's World (while waiting to indulge in missionary with her worldly man.) Maybe the reason no one can sell Wonder Woman is because they don't bother to go back to the one era where she had a wide comic book audience and realize she's been mischaracterized for sixty years. Unlike most Golden Age heroes, Diana has yet to escape the shadow of Doctor Frederick Wertham to return to Doctor William Moulton Marston's original interpretation.

By the way, now that the two-part origin is complete, did you note the absence of an essential element? While creators have tried to bury the Invisible Plane since the mid-80s, even though it's prominent from the first full story, Wonder Woman won't begin using a lasso until Sensation Comics #6! Occasionally dubbed "Wonder Woman Arrives in Man's World," this untitled story was by William Moulton Marston and Harry G. Peter. This issue of Sensation Comics also featured the origins of Wildcat and Mr. Terrific.

Golden Age Day

Friday, March 18, 2011

2011 Wonder Woman TV Show Logo and Costume

I wasn't going to post about the recent developments on the Wonder Woman TV show, but then I remembered that this blog really needs to whore up some hits, so here's the spread:

Logo for the 2011 TV series, photographed by Geoffrey Prince, and edited by Andy Mangels. Courtesy of Bleeding Cool. Click To Enlarge


Anyone trying to suffocate an urge to break out into a verse of "Freebird?" Nothing sells female empowerment like the complete absence of capitalization and random shitty stars in the "o" holes, like we're looking at Wonder Woman's "pimped" MySpace page. No sparkles? That's so 2001. I especially hate how the red star unbalances the color and paints Diana as a godless commie, because I assure you the neo-cons will be all over the absence of white (the Curse of Heimdall strikes again!) and the downplaying of any ties to the U.S.A. Look, I'm all for the world singing together in harmony under the U.N. banner, but Marston's Amazons were on America's jock faster than Diana was on Steve's. Wonder Woman's tits birthed a bald eagle for forty years, and she was enlisted in the U.S. military. Whitewashing her patriotic imagery is as absurd as Holocaust denials, except for the part about that being a horribly offensive, insensitive and ghoulish thing to say.

First image of Adrianne Palicki starring as the title character in the new NBC pilot “Wonder Woman,” from DC Universe: The Source blog. Click To Enlarge


This reminds me of that time Donna from "That 70s Show" dressed as a thinly veiled knock-off during a "Super Friends" parody, except her costume looked hotter, more accurate, and had higher production values. Hell, the various Wonder Woman porn parodies have looked better than this using prefab unlicensed store bought costumes. Dare I say it-- the much ridiculed Jim Lee design for the JMS story, from which this suit borrows elements, looks better.

How many things are wrong with this picture?
  1. Adrianne Palicki: This is supposed to be the heir to Lynda Carter? She had better act her ass off, because everyone from Charisma Carpenter to Jennifer Love Hewitt looked the part more than this chick, and they would have been awful.
  2. The Tiara: I thought they stopped putting cheap plastic toys in cereal boxes. No little girl or grown fangirl would ever want to wear that thing.
  3. The Corset: The shiny pleather looks cheap as hell, and the poorly designed cake mold stapled to the chest is ridiculous.
  4. The "Girdle": It isn't functional, it isn't attractive, and it makes me think the Amazon Princes is pulling back her drape-like labia to reveal a star-shaped clitoris with a seriously pronounced hood. This is almost as much a gynecological nightmare as the Chyna sex video.
  5. The Bracelets: Probably the least awful element, aside from the stupid branding and the fact they look like silver painted tubes from a shrink wrap roll.
  6. The Pants: Didn't Olivia Newton John wear a pair of those in "Xanadu?" Or am I thinking of her layover in country music when it was briefly popular in the early '80s? Am I alone in thinking Wonder Woman shouldn't have such a prominent crotch seam, or remind me of stuff my mom would have worn to "kicker" night?
  7. The Boots: I wanna be a cowgirl? The saddest, dumbest part of the ensemble. Red boots sell themselves, while these things collect dust in the back of a tranny-friendly store's clearance shelf. It's bad enough that Wonder Woman is working at advertising for Whataburger now, but that cheesy copper stripe is truly the shit stain on this design.
  8. It's Full of Stars: What housefrau in a flyover state bedazzled this turd to within an inch of its man made fabric? Everything is a stylized "W" or a five pointed star. I would have trouble finding a single Project: Rooftop proposal that was more gaudy or ill-considered.

Who looks better, Adrianne Palicki or Alessandra Torresani? A film studio backed the development of one, and the other was off the rack. Why must they always fix what isn't broken? All of the basics have been consistent with Superman and Batman from the serials to the present, but they always dick with Wonder Woman, and everything goes Cathy Lee Crosby. In short, this show has a silly, campy script carrying a lot of bad ideas with dubious assets beyond the casting of Liz Hurley as Veronica Cale, one of the least original Wonder Woman villains in her history. Yeah, this is going to work.

UPDATE: Bleeding Cool has collected ten Photoshop "fixes" from across the web, and every single one is better than the TV version. All but one of them involve red boots, and many wipe the whore off her lips. My favorite is by Alex Wright, because the tiara and the girdle were repaired and the excess of stars was toned down. You can see them all here.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sensational Comics for June, 2011



A skipped a bunch of recent reprints this month, like collections of Blackest Night and JMS Superman.

Sensational Links:


Wonder Woman
WONDER WOMAN #612
Written by J. MICHAEL STRACZYNSKI and PHIL HESTER
Art and cover by DON KRAMER and WAYNE FAUCHER
1:10 Variant cover by ALEX GARNER
This is the one you’ve waited for! The year-long “Odyssey” storyline comes to an earth-shattering conclusion! Can Diana defeat the powerful forces that destroyed her entire reality? And even if she wins, she could still lose everything!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale JUNE 29 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Is our long national nightmare truly over?

FLASHPOINT #2
Written by GEOFF JOHNS
Art and cover by ANDY KUBERT and SANDRA HOPE
1:25 Black and White Variant cover A by ANDY KUBERT
Variant cover B by IVAN REIS and GEORGE PÉREZ
The world-changing miniseries continues! Where are the World’s Greatest Super Heroes? Barry Allen is on a mission to find out or die trying – and that may be what’s happening as he tries to make lightning strike twice! Meanwhile, around the submerged Paris, the pirate Deathstroke confronts Emperor Aquaman!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with three covers. Please see the Previews Order Form for FLASH promotional rings.
On sale JUNE 1 • 2 of 5, 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US • RATED T
Welcome to Pass, population you. I'm practically giddy at the prospect of skipping every single one of these titles.

FLASHPOINT: THE WORLD OF FLASHPOINT #1
Written by REX OGLE and others
Art by PAULO SIQUIERA
Cover by SHANE DAVIS
FLASH FACT! Everything you know changed in a flash – but how?
Retailers: Please see the Previews Order form for special FLASHPOINT promotional buttons.
On sale JUNE 1 • 1 of 3, 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
As previously mentioned, I much prefer Wonder Woman tangling with Aquaman (at work or play) that Superman/Batman, but this whole event looks crap, and I'm not playing.

FLASHPOINT: WONDER WOMAN AND THE FURIES #1
Written by DAN ABNETT and ANDY LANNING
Art by SCOTT CLARK and DAVID BEATY
Cover by ED BENES
FLASH FACT! If she can’t have the world – no one will!
Retailers: Please see the Previews Order form for special FLASHPOINT promotional buttons.
On sale JUNE 15 • 1 of 3, 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Seriously, Warrior Princess Diana in a hideous armor waving her Amazonian sword-cock in my face is so not going to do it for me. That Wonder Girl redesign speaks to an absence of trying. Plus, imagine the stick-like harridans Scott Clark will draw. Horrors.

FLASHPOINT: LOIS LANE AND THE RESISTANCE #1
Written by DAN ABNETT and ANDY LANNING
Art by EDDY NUNEZ
Cover by EDDY NUNEZ and SANDRA HOPE
FLASH FACT! She is ready to reveal the Amazons’ secret!
Retailers: Please see the Previews Order form for special FLASHPOINT promotional buttons.
On sale JUNE 22 • 1 of 3, 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Damn it-- this may well be the most Wonder Woman-centric crossover since War of the Gods, and looks about as stinky. Try again in twenty years...

DC UNIVERSE ONLINE LEGENDS #9-10
Written by MARV WOLFMAN
Art by MIKE S. MILLER, SERGIO SANDOVAL, HOWARD PORTER and LIVESAY
Cover #9 by IVAN REIS
Cover #10 by ED BENES
Inspired by the Sony Online Entertainment game!
Coping with his failure to save Metropolis and the loss of Lois and the Daily Planet, Superman makes a tactical mistake that could cost the JLA dearly. Plus, a new hero has emerged to save the day on Earth – and his name is Lex Luthor!
In issue #10, Lex Luthor has saved the day and done what Superman couldn’t by rescuing the Daily Planet and foiling Brainiac’s plans. Now, Superman must answer to the JLA for his dereliction of duty, and it won’t be pretty!
Issue #9 on sale JUNE 1
Issue #10 on sale JUNE 15
32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
This is a weird book, in that I have no interest in the contents, but like the characters and creators. What say we make this a big, fat, cheap ass $20 trade, eh?

DC COMICS PRESENTS: JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA – BLACK BAPTISM #1
Written by RUBEN DIAZ and SEAN SMITH
Art by JESUS SAIZ and KEITH CHAMPAGNE • Cover by TIM BRADSTREET
When the World’s Greatest Heroes learn that a family of mobster demons called the Diablos have declared a gang war on the Sentinels of Magic (Dr. Fate, Zatanna, Deadman, and others), the JLA split up to protect the mages of the DC Universe. Collecting the four-issue miniseries from 2001.
On sale JUNE 15 • 96 pg, FC, $7.99 US
I already covered this mediocrity as a four issue mini-series: #1, #2, #3, #4

DC UNIVERSE: LEGACIES HC
Written by LEN WEIN
Art by SCOTT KOLINS, ANDY KUBERT, JOE KUBERT, GEORGE PEREZ, J.H. WILLIAMS III and others
Cover by ANDY KUBERT and JOE KUBERT
Acclaimed writer Len Wein chronicles the DC Universe’s epic history in this title spanning five generations of heroes, from the dawn of the Mystery Men before World War II through the present day, starring Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Justice League of America, The Teen Titans and more. Collecting the ten-issue series!
On sale AUGUST 24 • 336 pg, FC, $34.99 US
Seemed like a ridiculously long and largely unnecessary History of the DC Universe retread without the ancient stuff.


Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark)
TEEN TITANS #95
Written by J.T. KRUL
Art and cover by NICOLA SCOTT and DOUG HAZLEWOOD
Trapped in a dangerous world of monsters from Hindu lore, The Teen Titans are being hunted down. Will Superboy be the next to fall? And for what dark purpose does the Demon King Rankor need our heroes? Don’t miss the next chapter of Solstice’s first adventure with the team!
On sale MAY 18 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
TINY TITANS #40
Written by ART BALTAZAR & FRANCO
Art and cover by ART BALTAZAR
Because you demanded it, the wait is finally over – it’s the all-Kroc issue! Ever wonder if you’re doing things the right way or the wrong way? How about the Kroc way? This issue is filled with household, how-to, and cooking tips – the Kroc way! Don’t worry, the Tiny Titans will be there, too!
On sale MAY 18 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED E

Wonder Girl (Donna Troy)
JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #58
Written by JAMES ROBINSON
Art and cover by BRETT BOOTH and NORM RAPMUND
1:10 Variant cover by AARON LOPRESTI
After last issue’s devastating battle with the Spectre, Eclipso now has the power to split the moon in two, an omen that the end of days has begun. With life on Earth at stake, Batman much hatch a desperate plan involving Shade, Starman and the Atom. At the same time, another member of the team steps forward, not knowing how vital she is to mankind’s survival. Prepare for “Eclipso vs. Donna Troy” – with an ending that will shock you!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale JUNE 22 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
That is one hell of a random pairing, but if Donna gets a formidable foe and hopefully a proper code name out of this...
THE NEW TEEN TITANS OMNIBUS VOL. 1 HC
Written by MARV WOLFMAN
Art by GEORGE PEREZ, CURT SWAN, ROMEO TANGHAL and others
Cover by GEORGE PEREZ
In 1980, writer Marv Wolfman and artist George Pérez introduced a timeless team including Robin, Kid Flash, Wonder Girl, Cyborg, Changeling, Raven and Starfire – young heroes with great powers and strong personalities who learned their way in the world through the strength of their friendship and the adventures they shared.
This first omnibus edition collects the team’s debut in DC COMICS PRESENTS #26, plus the first sixteen issues of their smash-hit monthly series, including the first appearances of foes including Deathstroke and Trigon, as well as a confrontation with The Justice League of America.
On sale AUGUST 24 • 464 pg, FC, $75.00 US
I'm not too sure how well these will hold up, given that the book hit its stride in the second year, but the art alone should abide.

Monday, March 14, 2011

2009 "Tales of Wonder" Wonder Woman Day Charity Auction art by Cat Staggs

Click To Enlarge



Bonus for Wonder Woman Day 2009
15 x 19
Copic Markers, colored pencils and white acrylic
2009

I kept working the piece and came up with this..it will be auctioned off with the original in a 13 x 19 print.

You can also see the original "virgin" artwork here. I believe Cat Staggs has contributed a charity piece to every Wonder Woman Day auction, and they're all great, so I'll probably run some more next week

Spring Break Staggs
2007 DC Legacy The Atom Chase Card
2011 The Huntress Art
2007 DC Legacy Martian Manhunter Chase Card
2009 Zatanna Commission

Friday, March 11, 2011

2006 Wonder Woman Day "Lynda Carter" Charity Auction Piece by Matt Haley

Click To Enlarge


I adore Matt Haley, and his two issues of Wonder Woman covers weren't nearly enough. You must enlarge this delight!

The Huntress may have moved to another blog after originally being covered by me here, but a link to a 2005 convention piece shows sisters continue to look out for one another.

Monday, March 7, 2011

2009 "JLA-Wonder Woman" by Marcus Kelligrew

Click To Enlarge


Part of a set of seven JLA commissions featuring the founding members in their typical milieu, with the silhouetted backgrounds interlinking. The Flash, Superman, Batman, Green Lantern Hal Jordan, Aquaman and the Martian Manhunter were all included.

Friday, March 4, 2011

2011 Charlie Sheen Quote Presented By Wonder Woman

Click For More


Princess Diana was the only super-heroine squeezed into one of the fourteen pictures of comic book characters depicted in a stock interview setting for a Comics Alliance article in which they offer direct, unaltered Charlie Sheen quotes. This may be because, as VULTURE Entertainment News would define in their Charlie Sheen Glossary, "goddesses" are:
plural noun
1. women available for sexual favors, positive reinforcement, and lounging seductively just offscreen, including (but not limited to) porn stars and wayward graphic designers
2. the sort of woman who might require a lot of verbal hand-holding when asked to make instant coffee during your TMZ Live interview ("It's the premade. The instant. Mix the water with the powder. Don't confuse her")

...or in the case of Kacey Jordan, a "goddess" is a porn star who also indulges in prostitution (even before being promised a Bentley, because I'd do Charlie Sheen for a Bentley) at a pharmacological buffet while pregnant with an undetermined fellow's baby (whom she later aborted.) What else would you call that? Duh-- Winning!

Chris Haley and Curt Franklin of the web comic Let's Be Friends Again have a full set of these bad boys here, with less disturbing contextualization.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Villainy Inc: Mr. Gargoyle

Click To Enlarge


PERSONAL DATA
Real Name: Unknown
Occupation: Stalker
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Washington D.C.
Eyes: Pale blue
Hair: None visible
First Appearance: Wonder Woman #175 (March-April, 1968)

HISTORY
"I wanted you for my own, Wonder Woman! Long before an explosion in my lab ruined my face forever-- forcing me to wear this mask!"

To that end, Mr. Gargoyle ran a jeep carrying Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor off the road. Though she had been gassed, Wonder Woman deflected gunfire and fought off henchmen sent by Mr. Gargoyle. While she was distracted, Mr. Gargoyle stealthily approached and bludgeoned her with his cane. "This hurts me more than it does you, beautiful! But it's the only way I can quiet you-- after you've made yo-yo's of my men!" The revived thugs loaded Wonder Woman into their car. "Handle my darling carefully! I have a few surprises waiting for her at my hideout! And take along Trevor, too! I may need pretty boy there also- in case Wonder Woman proves stubborn!"

The group travelled to Mr. Gargoyle's foreboding mansion "palace," where he compelled Wonder Woman to kiss him with her own magic lasso. "I might as well have been kissed by an iceberg!" Wonder Woman used her deep feelings for Steve Trevor to deny Mr. Gargoyle a heartfelt kiss, so he utilized the same to demand one. In his courtyard was a very large, semi-natural pool infected with sharks. Steve Trevor was tied to a rock at its center, as the water level rose to meet him. "That will be his last breath unless I order the water to be lowered!"

Regardless of the second kiss' quality, Steve Trevor was dragged underwater by a leaping shark, prompting Wonder Woman to break lose from Mr. Gargoyle's grip to dive in after him. Mr. Gargoyle tried to convince Wonder Woman Trevor would forever hate her for their infidelity, but failed. When Mr. Gargoyle ordered his men to collect the unconscious Trevor to dump "on some lonely country road," Wonder Woman again easily subdued them and escaped in her invisible robot plane. More concerned with Trevor's health than Mr. Gargoyle, Wonder Woman left the villain shaking his fist at her. "Don't think you're escaping me, Wonder Woman! What the Gargoyle wants-- the Gargoyle gets! I'll never rest until you're in my arms again! Your love for pretty boy is hopeless! He hates you!"

POWERS & WEAPONS:
Mr. Gargoyle possessed a luxury car equipped with smoke and knock-out gas emitter. Weighted cane.

Quote:
"I'll never rest until Wonder Woman willingly throws herself at me-- instead of that pretty boy surf rider she's with!"

Created by: Robert Kanigher and Irv Novick