It's been a longstanding truism in Hollywood that female-starring action films are box office poison. Warner Brothers president Jeff Robinov was infamously rumored to have declared in 2007 that his company, the one that owns Wonder Woman, would never again make another such film after the twin failures of
The Brave One and
The Invasion. Never mind that those were both deeply flawed movies. Never mind the $675M earned by the
Resident Evil franchise. Never mind
Underworld's $460M.
Tomb Raider's $404M?
Kill Bill's $333M? How about the $557M in unadjusted dollars earned by Ellen Ripley across a quarter century, versus the $301M made in "current" money by combining
Aliens and
Predators? No wonder the grapevine says Robinov's got
Wonder Woman back in the pipeline.
Meanwhile, DC's had two Wonder Woman related "event" series in the past twenty years. One was 1991's justifiably forgotten
War of the Gods, which was merely
Catwoman in comparison to 2007's
Amazons Attack!, the
Cutthroat Island of comics.
Wonder Woman #11-13 were direct tie-ins. Let us never speak of them. There's nothing wrong with a female-driven extravaganza (
The Hunger Games alone made more than any one of the previously mentioned franchises combined,) but when you do it bad, it quickly becomes an epic scale boondoggle.
Speaking of which, Gail Simone, the first long term female writer of
Wonder Woman, had a lot of expectations over her head as she picked up the threads from-- ahem-- you know. Hippolyta was back to normal, but plagued with guilt and living almost alone on Themyscira. While the other Amazons were in magical exile, four prisoners at as many points on the island were checked on once a year by their former queen. One crafted the dethroned monarch a crude new crown with her teeth, and promised that for the good of all Amazons, she would slay "the dragon" Diana.
Wonder Woman was in Africa, battling a troop of armored gorilla soldiers brainwashed by Grodd. The Amazing Amazon took down the troops' leader, Tolifhar, by force. Then, she won the lot of them over with her kindness and grace. In fact, she ended up putting them up in Diana Prince's apartment for a while.
Tom Tresser set up a surprise birthday party for his partner. It was interrupted by Sarge Steel, who wanted them to follow up on a tip Agent Prince had gained from her new simian allies about a cell of the super-villainous Society set up in Toronto. Steel didn't trust Prince's inexplicable "tips," and suspecting her of having a connection to the Amazons that tried to overthrow the U.S. government, brought in outside help. Lt. Colonel Etta Candy was to spy on Prince, and to prove her worth, had already uncovered Steel's abuse of antacids, anti-anxiety meds, and alcohol.
Diana had gotten Bruce Wayne to donate billion dollar "invisible" stealth technology to the Department of Metahuman Affairs. Their suped-up helicopter and tank rolled on the Society compound, but found it mostly abandoned. That was, except for Captain Nazi, who proceeds to try to end Agents Prince and Tresser. Meanwhile, his new Nazi army was invading Themyscira, intent on killing anyone there and claiming it for the Society.
"The Circle Part One of Four: What You Do Not Know Yet" was by Gail Simone, Terry & Rachael Dodson. For my money, Simone is one of the finest writers in modern mainstream comics. She is about the only legitimate female "star" comic book writer in pretty much ever, which is why getting her on Wonder Woman seemed so obvious. It's a shame that her strengths as a writer make her a poor choice for the character. I'll be making criticisms as I go through the issues, but for now, the first page of her first issue sets up an "everything you knew about the heroine's origin is wrong" riff. Rookie mistake. New writers always want to screw with a character's origin, which immediately alienates long time fans, and never sticks with the iconic characters. Has there been a single run since 1987 that didn't try this at least once? Write stories that move the character forward, rather than having her chase her tail.
Unlike a lot of people, I liked the gorillas, but making Etta Candy slender and radically altering her m.o. was not cool. Then there was the bit where Batman, who already got Diana her a job in the totally superfluous D.M.A. (DC already had the established the nigh-identical Department of Extranormal Operations,) invents the invisible jet and
doesn't use the tech himself. Bad enough that it doesn't make a lick of sense, but it also makes a big chunk of Wonder Woman lore dependent on friggin' Batman. Diana is a magical princess and a third of the DC Trinity. She should gift lesser DC heroes, not be a Wayne charity case. By the way, was the raid on Canadian soil sanctioned, or did WayneTech facilitated an illegal operation? Finally, for the second time this issue, Wonder Woman fights a villain from another hero's rogues gallery, Captain Nazi, instead of one of her own. I get that she needs to prove herself amidst the greater DCU to establish her abilities, but I don't think a guy who fights Captain Marvel Junior really helps in that department. By the way, how dumb was it for a powerless Diana Prince to enter a building known to have housed
super-villains? At least the Dodsons keep it all pretty.
Brave New World
Mount Etna. Hephaestus opened his arsenal up to Diana, but found her choices of blades and armor archaic. “It’s how I was raised…” Lennox and Eros were ready to join her in storming the underworld, but were refused, if for no other reason than as a safeguard if she and her escort Hermes failed to return. Against Eros’ protestations, Hephaestus took his golden twin automatics. “She’ll bring them back. Won’t you… Wonder Woman?”
Diana and Hermes were surprised to find themselves in a seemingly desolate replica of London with gloomy red skies. “The underworld is governed by Hades’ whims and imagination. As they change, so does his realm.” So the underworld was never the same twice over Hermes’ many visits. Further, all the matter in this realm were made up of the souls of the dead, laid down like brick and mortar. Most were serene about the matter, but some statues shed their metal shells to become skinless centurions riding muscle-horses to charge the intruders. The hands of the souls making up the streets grabbed at Diana and Hermes’ ankles. The god didn’t need help from the Amazon, and so sent Diana to find her missing friend Zola while he held off Hades’ forces. Wonder Woman was too busy facing a swarm of Hades’ proxies to get far, so the duo fought their way to a brief respite before continuing on together.
Following a light, the heroes found a dark reflection of Zola’s farm, which she was prepared to defend by shotgun. The friends were reunited, but because of the difference in the passage of time in the underworld, Zola was much further along in her pregnancy than when she left Earth. Hades arrived, demanding that he be given a queen he’d been promised in an earlier negotiation, preferably Hera. Diana had lied about that, but Hades offered her forgiveness and free passage for Zola and her unborn child in exchange for Eros’ love guns. Diana agreed, only to be struck by a bullet that passed through her guarding bracelet and into her chest. Hermes and Zola departed, while Hades stated his intention to marry what was left of Diana…
“Casting Shadows” was by Brian Azzarello & Cliff Chiang. I can see what all the fuss is about this book. The art is very pretty, and the story is solidly cinematic. I just don’t care for the choices the writer has made with regard to interpretations of characters established three quarters of a century before this run. Also, the storytelling is decompressed to the point where even if I did like the places being traveled to, I'd still whine after each briskly read issue “are we there yet?” I’ve said it before, but once again, Wonder Woman chopping up a Bodyworlds exhibit and having an adolescent with a candle for a head plotting conjugal relations with her corpse is not the book I’m looking for.
New 52's Day
