Friday, March 18, 2011

2011 Wonder Woman TV Show Logo and Costume

I wasn't going to post about the recent developments on the Wonder Woman TV show, but then I remembered that this blog really needs to whore up some hits, so here's the spread:

Logo for the 2011 TV series, photographed by Geoffrey Prince, and edited by Andy Mangels. Courtesy of Bleeding Cool. Click To Enlarge

Anyone trying to suffocate an urge to break out into a verse of "Freebird?" Nothing sells female empowerment like the complete absence of capitalization and random shitty stars in the "o" holes, like we're looking at Wonder Woman's "pimped" MySpace page. No sparkles? That's so 2001. I especially hate how the red star unbalances the color and paints Diana as a godless commie, because I assure you the neo-cons will be all over the absence of white (the Curse of Heimdall strikes again!) and the downplaying of any ties to the U.S.A. Look, I'm all for the world singing together in harmony under the U.N. banner, but Marston's Amazons were on America's jock faster than Diana was on Steve's. Wonder Woman's tits birthed a bald eagle for forty years, and she was enlisted in the U.S. military. Whitewashing her patriotic imagery is as absurd as Holocaust denials, except for the part about that being a horribly offensive, insensitive and ghoulish thing to say.

First image of Adrianne Palicki starring as the title character in the new NBC pilot “Wonder Woman,” from DC Universe: The Source blog. Click To Enlarge

This reminds me of that time Donna from "That 70s Show" dressed as a thinly veiled knock-off during a "Super Friends" parody, except her costume looked hotter, more accurate, and had higher production values. Hell, the various Wonder Woman porn parodies have looked better than this using prefab unlicensed store bought costumes. Dare I say it-- the much ridiculed Jim Lee design for the JMS story, from which this suit borrows elements, looks better.

How many things are wrong with this picture?
  1. Adrianne Palicki: This is supposed to be the heir to Lynda Carter? She had better act her ass off, because everyone from Charisma Carpenter to Jennifer Love Hewitt looked the part more than this chick, and they would have been awful.
  2. The Tiara: I thought they stopped putting cheap plastic toys in cereal boxes. No little girl or grown fangirl would ever want to wear that thing.
  3. The Corset: The shiny pleather looks cheap as hell, and the poorly designed cake mold stapled to the chest is ridiculous.
  4. The "Girdle": It isn't functional, it isn't attractive, and it makes me think the Amazon Princes is pulling back her drape-like labia to reveal a star-shaped clitoris with a seriously pronounced hood. This is almost as much a gynecological nightmare as the Chyna sex video.
  5. The Bracelets: Probably the least awful element, aside from the stupid branding and the fact they look like silver painted tubes from a shrink wrap roll.
  6. The Pants: Didn't Olivia Newton John wear a pair of those in "Xanadu?" Or am I thinking of her layover in country music when it was briefly popular in the early '80s? Am I alone in thinking Wonder Woman shouldn't have such a prominent crotch seam, or remind me of stuff my mom would have worn to "kicker" night?
  7. The Boots: I wanna be a cowgirl? The saddest, dumbest part of the ensemble. Red boots sell themselves, while these things collect dust in the back of a tranny-friendly store's clearance shelf. It's bad enough that Wonder Woman is working at advertising for Whataburger now, but that cheesy copper stripe is truly the shit stain on this design.
  8. It's Full of Stars: What housefrau in a flyover state bedazzled this turd to within an inch of its man made fabric? Everything is a stylized "W" or a five pointed star. I would have trouble finding a single Project: Rooftop proposal that was more gaudy or ill-considered.

Who looks better, Adrianne Palicki or Alessandra Torresani? A film studio backed the development of one, and the other was off the rack. Why must they always fix what isn't broken? All of the basics have been consistent with Superman and Batman from the serials to the present, but they always dick with Wonder Woman, and everything goes Cathy Lee Crosby. In short, this show has a silly, campy script carrying a lot of bad ideas with dubious assets beyond the casting of Liz Hurley as Veronica Cale, one of the least original Wonder Woman villains in her history. Yeah, this is going to work.

UPDATE: Bleeding Cool has collected ten Photoshop "fixes" from across the web, and every single one is better than the TV version. All but one of them involve red boots, and many wipe the whore off her lips. My favorite is by Alex Wright, because the tiara and the girdle were repaired and the excess of stars was toned down. You can see them all here.


mathematicscore said...

Mmmmm... Cathy Lee Crosby.

But seriously, this is probably going to suck. It's probably my MMA obsession talking, but I recently decided that Gina Carano should be hired ASAP.

LissBirds said...

Aww, you beat me to it. I was going to blog this tonight.

I hadn't seen the logo, though. And hell yes, Wonder Woman represents America!!

I can't stand the costume at ALL, but I'm guessing maybe it's a promo picture, and/or this show is going to rely heavily on CGI. Or it's going to be constantly be nighttime on the show, a la Smallville, so we can't tell that her tiara is plastic. I can forgive the fabric and plastic (somewhat) if they do something in CGI to fix it. Then again, I'm getting sick of CGI.

That being said, the blue boots are CRAP. The fabric is cheap-looking, especially the red fabric, which looks like it came from a 1950's bar stool. And how does this girl move, let alone breathe? I feel sorry for her if she loses a contact lens and has to bend over with that pointy plastic thing sitting right on her abdomen. Goddesses don't need underwires, either, and that's the icing on this crappy Halloween costume's cake for me.

You forgot to mention the mess that is the pipe-cleaner lasso.

Someone on criticized her face...and I kind of agree that Wonder Woman needs cheekbones. Her face is just too soft.

Well, I'm depressed. But not surprised at all.

Diabolu Frank said...

Copy and paste. You've already got the makings of a post right here in the comments. I especially like the bar stool bit. I worked at a place that warehoused hundreds of stool tops of that exact same shade of glossy red.

Anonymous said...

Thus ends the story of pizza, according to most histories of the pie.
"It was a hit," said Zangrilli, who today owns a chain of pizzerias.

E. Peterman said...

Holy shit. This was excellent and scathingly funny. Well said, sir.

E. Peterman said...

Holy shit. Scathing and extremely well stated, sir.

Diabolu Frank said...

I forgot to mention, I checked out some videos of Gina Carano. Can't do the voice, but she's certainly fierce.

Luke said...

No seriously Frank. Tell us what you really feel.

I could probably live with this costume on a weekly show (because honestly, we're going to get 40 minutes of not-costume and two minutes of costume beyond the opening), if the blue wasn't so damn bright. It's like the blue plastic in some of my son's Fisher Price toys. Just too... blue! Bleah!

Diabolu Frank said...

Did you check some of those fixes, Luke? Much less cyanosis in the slacks.

LissBirds said...

Even the fixes aren't enough for me. I mean, it's better, and it definitely needs to be dark blue with red boots. But no one fixed the fabric texture to my liking.

Diabolu Frank said...

Agreed, but it shows how far astray the costume designers went by demonstrating the massive improvements even minor tweaks make on the Barbie doll.

Anonymous said...


I hope they put this image out to get our honest option (wish room for improvments).. bc this ish is horrible! I mean, I understand they's want to update her look etc etc etc, but this was NOT the way to do it.. Lets use some REAL FABRIC for starters!

Anonymous said...

Oh yes.. And for the love of Christmas can we please get her into some hot pants?!?? Wonder Woman was all about the legs!

Diabolu Frank said...

The new pants look less trashy, but I'm pretty sure she stole them from the back of Tish Cyrus' closet.

Anonymous said...

Being a huge WW fan I am disgusted. Her boots need to be red for one thing and ya the fabric is horrid. Her bracelets r silver but need to be gold like everything else. The girl is horrible. Yuk. Who is she? There was nothing wrong with the original Leotard thing. She could move easy and as sexy. Shit a skirt would be better than that Crap. I was so excited to hear bout this thing I saw it and wanted to barf. Ugh. I have 2 WW tats and I am proud to have them now so people remember the original.

I am not going into the logo. Why change that?

Diabolu Frank said...

The good news it that there will now be 3 costumes in the pilot, at least one with red boots, and another that is supposed to be more like the classic costume for the final battle with Veronica Cale.