Thursday, May 10, 2012

Wonder Woman #10 (August, 2007)

The Lincoln Memorial was decapitated. The Capitol Building was smoking. The super-heroes were off fighting mythological beasts. The Amazons were like the Taliban with penises*. Oh yeah, this is going to be a travesty.

Wonder Woman decided to start truly living her life by grabbing spears out of the air to swing at other spears in the air. Disarmed, her fellow Amazons just blew off further hostilities. Diana and Hippolyta talked crap about how the humans had to be squashed for their Circe, maneuvers against Themyscira, and how Diana liked humans and would live her life as she pleased. Tom kept being a miserable flirt and being saved seemingly endlessly by Wonder Woman. Comic book readers regurgitated into their mouths, debating a spit or a reswallow. Decisions varied.

Tom impersonated Hippolyta, and tried to peek into the box containing their secret weapon. Stygian Killer Hornets emerged, stabbing Tom twice with their slow acting poison stingers. This prompted Tom to admit he had figured out Princess Diana and Diana Prince were one in the same, because duh.

Green Lantern Hal Jordan and Hawkgirl tried to help. A big showdown between Diana and Hippolyta involved the supposed mother trying to stab her daughter. Diana won, but allowed Hippolyta to hold a dagger to her throat. “Not long ago you asked me if I would die for these humans you once sent me to protect… and I tell you now that I would. But this is no longer what you should be asking. The question isn’t what I’d be willing to lose… The question is, mother… would you kill me to win?

*I wrote this back in October, and don't recall if it was a typo or not. I decided to leave it in, since the statement makes me pause for more thoughtful consideration than went into this tripe, "Love and Murder, Part 5" by Jodi Picoult & Paco Diaz. It led directly into Amazons Attack, which was like that series where the freed Kryptonians from Kandor City attacked Earth, but with Amazons attacking instead. I assume they were both very (at)tacky. I won't be reading either anytime soon, thanks. As I understand it, Hippolyta ended up being controlled by Circe, and Granny Goodness was somebody in disguise. Whatever. I'm done here. Whistling as I walk away...>

Brave New World


mathematicscore said...

See, they sold the whole "kandor attacks" thing, since they were Aliens, new to earth, and powerful enough where the norms might get nervous. The amazons were just outta fuggin nowhere.

Diabolu Frank said...

I honestly do think Dan Didio gets an idea, and then just tells people "do this."